One
by msllamalover
Summary: Life is a fickle, unfair thing for Parvati Patil. It was never what she expected. For the Life Challenge.


_Disclaimer: Not mine, of course!  
__A/N: I'm actually unbelievably proud of this. It was fun to write, much better than an essay! Reviews are so awesome and much appreciated, if you'd like to! _

_Birth_

Two parcels, wrapped up in pink blankets.

Two incubators.

Two screaming babies.

Both hugged to their mother, their father standing close by, looking in bemused astonishment at these two tiny, wrinkly creatures that are _his_, as nothing really has been before.

And she is first, older by mere minutes. She has the attention and the love for that time, before her sister is taking more than her fair share in it. Her sister is weaker. She had almost died, they were told a few years later by their mother, and they don't see the fear that is still in her eyes.

Even at the beginning, Parvati imagines at the age of five years old, I wasn't the most important to my Mummy. Why did she love her more?

_World_

The world is a kind place to those who are kind to it, her father tells her, over and over again. Parvati tries to be kind to it. She looks at her sister (her _younger_ sister, she still tells people) and wonders why her Daddy doesn't tell her off for leaning against a tree as she reads. Surely she is hurting it?

She goes back to the tree later, and apologises to it for her sister's rudeness. She pats its trunk gently and whispers to it. She doesn't see her father looking at her in amazement, stunned by his incredibly caring little girl.

She trips over as she skips back to the house. It is one of the spindly roots, sticking up a little from beneath the soil. It grabs her ankle and pulls her down. She rips her lovely yellow dress, grazes her hands and gets mud on her face. Her Daddy runs out straight away and picks her up, not minding as she cries into his shirt.

And that is the first time that she realises that the world isn't always a kind place.

_Family_

'Patil, Padma.'

She holds her breath as the hat (only a hat? Two tall, ginger boys had said that it was far worse!) is placed on her sister's head. It comes as no surprise to Parvati that her sister is placed in Ravenclaw after only a few seconds.

She won't go there with her, and she knows that already. She isn't as clever as her sister, or as talented. Parvati likes other things. She loves her sister. They are supposed to do this _together_, but they can't anymore, because of this stupid school. She bites her lip as she herself sits on the stool, the wide rim of the hat covering her eyes and hiding her pretty face from view.

She doesn't cry, but she wants to, as the hat ignores her pleas to be with her sister, and puts her in Gryffindor anyway.

_Friend_

When she cries because she misses home, and because she can't do her charms homework, and because Theodore Nott has pulled on her braid again in potions, Padma isn't the one who hugs her, and talks to her about things which really don't mean anything. And Padma isn't the person who Parvati goes to next time. Padma isn't Parvati's best friend anymore.

Lavender is.

It doesn't take them very long to decide that they are sisters, even if they don't look alike, or have the same second name. They do what family does, and no matter how much Parvati loves Padma, she is closer to Lavender now, just like Padma is closer Mandy Brocklehurst now.

Friends are the family we choose for ourselves, Lavender tells her one evening, and Parvati wonders if she has ever heard anything more true.

_School_

Parvati loves school. It is home. When her seventh year comes around, it is awful. She can't bear it.

Not because she is hurt, as she is almost daily by the Carrow's harsh and pointless punishments. She is used to that after not very long. It hurts to see the family that she has here come limping in, clutching wounds, faces painted up bravely with strong emotions they cannot possibly feel. It hurts to see the Castle she loves being changed and ruined. She hates how she runs her hand along a wall, and it seems to be quaking in fear, as she is, too, inside.

And it hurts not seeing Dean everyday, because he has been forced not to come back to them. She misses him so much. So does Lavender, and it seems to dawn on her how much she loves him. She tells Parvati in secret, by candlelight, when the others are asleep. I'm in love with him, Lavender says. And though she is scared, there is a sparkling in her eyes and a brightness in her face that she hasn't seen in such a long time. Parvati just nods, because she can't bare to take that away from her.

They aren't at school when Lavender tells Dean, and he admits to the same feelings. Parvati is glad, because as ridiculous as it sounds, she doesn't want her home to know she has been crying.

_Romance_

There have only ever really been three men in her life. One is her father, the nicest man she ever knew, who took care of her so selflessly. She never thanked him for that.

The other two men are jointly responsible for so much of the pain, and happiness, and conflict in her heart.

One man is Dean. The one she is secretly so in love with that it hurts. The one who is with her best friend, the one who is making her sister so happy. She can't love him, yet she does. He doesn't love her, he probably never will love her, but that changes nothing. He is the man who makes her want to fall, drown in such deep water that she might never resurface. There is nothing to thank Dean for, really, but his friendship, and as much as she loves that, she can't bring herself to thank him for it.

And the other man is Seamus. She loves Seamus, but she isn't in love with him. She needs him because she loves him dearly, but it isn't enough for either of them, not really. But he is the one who drags her back to the surface, holds her above the water, and somehow makes her smile when she thought that she might never have smiled again. And that she thanks him for everyday, and takes his silent thanks in return.

_Hatred_

She hates herself, for so many things.

She hates that when she looks in the mirror, she sees Padma. The life she won't ever have, the things that she'll never experience, the emotions she'll never know. She hates that she has to live for her too, and that she thinks that she is wasting what time she has.

She hates that she thinks so much. Everything, cause and consequence. What will, or won't, or might, or might not happen. She wants to just live, to just be happy and not worry, just for once.

And she hates that she didn't trust Lavender enough, all those years ago, to tell her how much she loved Dean. She hates even more that she still can't admit to anyone how much she still loves him. It's too late now, anyway.

_Grief _

She holds her sister's head in her arms. Her sister from Birth, not the one she had chosen. She wonders why she wasted the last seven years with her. They had the summer, but they didn't have anything in common and the time spent together was spent in silence, and oh, how she regrets that now.

Because Padma, her sister, her _sister_, is lying dead in her arms. There is nothing anyone can do to comfort her, because she isn't crying. She is numb, her cheek resting on her cold forehead.

There is a hand on her shoulder. Dean's. Lavender is awake, he tells her. His voice sounds like it is coming from miles away, not close by. She will see her other sister later, and in the years they will have together. But this sister won't wake up, won't come back.

She shrugs her shoulder a little, and Dean's hand falls away. She hears him retreat, probably to see Lavender and Seamus, to tell them what has happened. She doesn't turn around to tell Dean how much she loves him. She doesn't even ask him how the others are. Because she doesn't feel anything at that moment.

There is only one thing on her mind at all, and she wonders why she didn't see this coming, in her stupid tealeaves, or crystal ball. And she loses all faith in the damned subject.

_Death_

The worst death for Parvati to deal with isn't Padma's. She doesn't know how she makes it through that. She doesn't know when she first smiled again, first felt again, but she does, and even if the sadness of the loss never completely goes away, she makes it through.

The worst death for Parvati isn't Dean's, as she thought it would be. It is awful, one of the worst things she has ever experienced. Even if it wasn't bad because of her own buried feelings, Seamus has lost a brother and Lavender has lost her husband of so many years, and she doesn't know how to deal with it. Somehow they help each other through.

The worst death isn't Lavender's, either, because Lavender is still surviving when Parvati's time comes. So is Seamus. She and Seamus were like one, no longer is she Parvati and he is Seamus, they are Seamus-and-Parvati, Parvati-and-Seamus. A couple who still love each other, even after years of hardship, even though neither was the others first choice.

So the worst death for Parvati is her own. Because as she shuts her eyes, she knows, as Seamus does, that she won't open them again. She might never see his face again. It strikes her how much time she has wasted. She wants to tell Lavender that she was her sister, and everything that a sister should be, right from the very beginning. She wants to tell Seamus that she loves him more than anything else in the world, even if she didn't know that at first. She shuts her eyes sadly.

There is still so much that she wants to do, but she will see her family again, she believes (she _must_ believe) that next time she'll love every single second.

_Life_

Life is a fickle thing. Ten seconds, nine, eight, and everything has changed.

Seven minutes, six, five, and she can't remember what she should be feeling.

Four days, three, and she can't remember who she is supposed to love, and who she is supposed to hate.

Two sisters, one, and she doesn't know what she'd be without them.

Two loves, one, and she finds it hard to distinguish between the two, who she loves more, who she wants more, who she needs the most.

One lifetime, nothing. Because it hasn't ever been what she expected.


End file.
